Valleys
As wonderful and amazing it is to be part of this ever-changing and ever-growing community here in Peru, I must admit I’ve gone through some valleys this month. I was able to make a trip back to Minneapolis due to bittersweet circumstances as my grandma Mary had passed away a month earlier and the funeral was in Minnesota. I hadn’t imagined that my first wheels up back to the states would be for a funeral of a beloved Mary. I was so thankful to know that my close friend Anna was planning on flying up from Texas to be a support to me and my family.
Being in a state of apathy is a strange thing and it’s hard to “feel” things at times. There was one moment I was feeling especially apathetic as Anna and I were at a table in the basement of my old-house-turned-AirBnb putting glitter on 100 flyers for the funeral. We had been giggling about things here and there and then decided to put a worship song on the TV as background music. Upon hearing the holy hallelujah’s and deep reverence in the synergetic vocals, Anna and I began to weep. It was like slow molasses had started drizzling over my head and shoulders and I was immediately enraptured and in awe at God’s love for me. We dwelled on the idea of eternity and how we have but a glimpse of life here on earth, one chance to live it well. In the wake of someone passing, one can’t help but ponder eternity and what happens after a last breath. I was settled and felt safe in knowing Jesus took my place, and my eternity is sealed in heaven.
Having returned from a trip marked by grief, friendship, loss, and revelation, a sort of numbness became more prevalent. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but inevitably pushed through each day as if to trudge through mud. I knew what I was working through was exhaustion in all areas, that I was being “refined in the fire” - or any other cliche you can think of when it comes to “going through hard things.” I wanted to just be done with the yuckiness of what I was experiencing and tap into that drive, zest, special flavor and excitement for each day. I broke. I couldn’t escape the weird unsettling and I broke. And man am I thankful I did. I have encountered such amazing people here to call my friends, supporters, and family. They have encouraged me and leveled with me that “hey, that does suck, for real. I experienced that. And you’ve got this. Just put one foot in front of the other.”
In retrospect, I love that November holds Thanksgiving as its theme. I am thankful for November itself and the struggle it has made me face. I am thankful for the opportunity to be in a country not my own only to be reminded that this world, even, is not my own and that I’m living on purpose for a greater kingdom. I’m thankful for overseas connections that continue to support me, pray for me, and connect to maintain relationship with thousands of miles between us. I’m thankful for circumstances that have made me uncomfortable so that I might recognize where my source of comfort lies. I am thankful for candles, Annie’s mac’n’cheese, puppy snuggles, and worship on Sunday nights.
And I am thankful for you. Im thankful that you’ve read my story, heard my heart, and hopefully can relate to some of it!
What are you thankful for?? I’d love to hear!
Peace and blessings,
Elana
Side note: writing “put one foot in front of the other” made me think of that song from that old Santa Claus movie, here’s a link, please enjoy, and Merry Christmas! https://youtu.be/OORsz2d1H7s